My mother once said, “My farts don’t stink.” She said it from where she was in the kitchen. My brothers, my sister and I were all out in the dining room hooting and making noise. Likely, they were all making farting noises. We had perfected all the different ways you can make a fart noise without actually farting. I can’t remember exactly what we were up to. It had to have been over 30 years ago. But, I do remember her saying, “My farts don’t stink.” We all shut up, looked at each other in wonder and then burst out laughing because my mother NEVER said the word fart. Ever. I had never heard her say it before then and I don’t think I ever heard her say it after.
I was reminded of that story when this evening DeeDude and I were watching the Activa commercial where the lady says something about how they’ll guarantee your system will be regular in 14 days. I said to DeeDude, “You know what that means. It means that your farts will be regulated and regular in 14 days. See, people don’t know that a person toots along all day long. But, you don’t hear anything and they are such tiny little farts and people are so on the move that nobody smells or hears anything. Booom the person is long gone have done a little toot. Actually, most people don’t even realize that they are releasing gas all day long. That’s why they’ve got scented underwear now. Those people know about it.” By then, the show was back on again and DeeDude had almost gone into Syndrome state, so I came back here to blog about it.
Ah, I looked it up. A person makes half a liter of fart gas a day divided up into, on average, 14 farts. Well, I certainly don’t fart at work. That would not be classy. And, I may be crude, but I do know how to act like a professional secretary. That’s why, when I get home I make up for lost time. I’m teasing. I’m like my mother. My farts (the few that do escape) don’t stink either.
Do you think I need a hobby?